Personal story about adults with Asperger's and dating


By Mr Coffee


There are places on the net that suggest that people with Asperger's Syndrome are able to function on a normal level, date, marry, and have families. I have stated in the definition of Asperger's Syndrome that the divorce rate remains high for people who are diagnosed with it. Yet, a number of people with Asperger's Syndrome are able to successfully date, marry, and raise families. Most don't actually have the diagnosis. Instead, the medical community often considers them to be "autism cousins" or "cousins of autism", meaning that they don't fit the criteria for a diagnosis, but have a scant few minor traits of the disorder. The sad fact is: relationships and dating are a big challenge for the autism community. It can be done, but there is considerable work involved.


extended adolescence

Usually, people develop the ability to make friends by the time they are six years of age and start more serious relationships by the time they are 13. On the other hand, someone on the spectrum may struggle for quite a while longer. For the most part, this makes a marriage or family highly unlikely for some of them. An added burden here are economic factors related to the inability to hold down employment, which serves to make them even less of a candidate for a permanent relationship.


A characteristic that many people have with Asperger's, is what is called an "extended adolescence" throughout adulthood. In my case, I was not able to understand why a couple in their late 20s would get together to marry and start a family. It defies logic for some people with the condition, when they have never had a relationship that has any seriousness.


Unspoken body language

A part of the whole issue involves the lack of ability to use and understand unspoken body language. The ability to interpret eye contact may be there, yet the person with Asperger's Syndrome might not be giving the right message or signals. In order for the recipient to get the correct message, the person with Asperger's Syndrome often has to state the message directly, and the recipient has to give a direct response. If read the wrong way, the message ends up getting lost or misinterpreted.


For the recipient to understand someone with Asperger's, they have to pick apart every thing the sender is trying to say because the sender might not have the capability to use the correct gestures. This in itself will set someone up for failure in a relationship just about every time, unless the person sought has a very high degree of compassion and understanding.


Click to shut this Autism personal story on adults with Aspergers and dating

Click here for the full range of Asperger's and autism fact sheets and personal stories at
Click here to read the Adults with Asperger's syndrome fact sheet

This story is reprinted with the permission of Mr Coffee who organizes an Asperger's syndrome forum at

Relationships can be complicated by the diverse effects of Asperger's syndrome on social interaction skills